[5 Years Before The Events of Hitch Started]
It was just like any other Monday for Alex. He strolled into his office where he worked as an insurance claims adjuster, poured himself a cup of coffee (1 cream, 10 packs of sugar), and sat down at his desk to pull up the latest case files he would have to work on. Alex was what you’d call a medium-achiever. He did his work fine, stayed out of trouble, and avoided getting forward mostly by giving his boss tips on his Fantasy Football line-ups. As Alex stared out the window, he almost seemed to be staring out into his future realizing the futility of each human’s meaningless existence. “We’re all just specks of dust in a universe full of galaxies and planets and cool shit like that,” he thought to himself…or so he thought. The entire conference room was stunned that he had just shared his inner monologue outloud in a meeting where they were reviewing Ken Johnson’s recent worker’s comp insurance claim due to an accident involving a meat grinder and his inner thighs.
Trying to put the embarrassing morning behind him, Alex got in his car (a Mazda Miata) and drove to Ken’s home on Long Island to discuss his recent claim. Alex was amazed at the state of disrepair Ken’s home was in. The living room carpet had several large holes from putting out cigarettes, multiple poorly cared for plants (mostly blue flag irises), and dozens of magazines ranging from Fashion Doll Quarterly to Girls and Corpses. When Hitch walked in, he was completely uninterested in Ken’s “incident” with the meat grinder and immediately asked “Everything okay?” Ken broke down – he was torn up because his ex, Karen, had left him for a Latin American pet store owner named Javier and had been depressed since he was unable to win her back. A light bulb went on. Not a metaphorical lightbulb, but a physical one in Ken’s backroom. Someone had broken in. Hitch quickly used an arm bar technique to subdue the would-be robber and waited until the cops came. Once that was taken care of, Alex told Ken he had just the idea for how to win back his ex. From there, Alex helped Ken stage an elaborate scheme to open a petstore around the corner and once they were ready for the grand opening, they were ready to invite Karen. When Alex asked for her contact information, Ken confessed that he had made her up. Alex’s eyes widened and he ran like hell to get out of there. Even though Ken was a sociopath (whose insurance claim was later denied), Alex realized his true passion was helping people find their soulmate. And thus, the seed was sown that would later bloom into the plant that would be Hitch’s Date Doctor services.
Scratching My Hitch 